Sean's Diary

The Game

I hit the ground, broke every bone
By taking a step into abyss blindfolded
The heart pumps pain through every vein
Wishing to die at every beat made for you
But still I'm healing in your grace
Without really knowing the intentions
Is it because of love you've hidden from me
Or is it pity and desception.
And there I lay, head full of questions
Pain slowly flowing into shame
Which like a fire cicatrises
All wounds made by the blame
Leaving the scars as written diary
Of a fool who played your foul game
And like in every game there is and end
But who will merge victorious, if
We're both the villain and the hero
To see the end I can't pretend
This game, an everending cycle
So here I am, ready to jump
Putting a wrap around my eyes
So as to take a step and fall
Into a dump
And every bone to break again, just harder.
Will you be there to heal me once again?

Regret

I hope you'll never figure out
How happy could've made you
The one who was for you to have
The one who bled, the one who cried
The one who waited in the storm
Under the window of your home
But now you've made your mind
And realised you are alone
You're feeling helpless, cause
He's out of reach forever more


Reflexion

Perhaps our only problem is
To reject things we need, we get
And dream of useless goals
The things we'll never get instead
I am no different, blinded by dream
Of being you a part of me
While there's perhaps another soul
That dreams, myself as part of thee
Alas, I'll never know the truth
Who would've loved the "undesired Sean"
So I'll keep dreaming about you
With foolish hope, yet certain
That it will never come to pass.

Hollow

The emptiness that for so long I felt inside,
I always thought it was
what you took with you when you were exiled
from my within.

For long I tried to close thy giant hole
But it refused to shrink
No force or might could take away the gap
I thought I might just live with it.

Though now I know the secret of my wound
I am no longer foolish
It was no gap, but flesh corrupted by your sin
so dark, no void could match it.

And so the worst part of my life begins
by clensing thee.
Cutting it out from me by any means
Like it's a sort of tumor.

And now I 'm bleeding out the wretched memories
by opening a giant gap.
So deep, so dark I cannot see the bottom
but I may learn to live with it.

No me puedo desprender de tu mirada
Tiene algo misterioso que cautiva.
Quizá sea el esmeralda anaranjado,
O bien sea su brillo lo que agrada.

En tus ojos llenos de pasado, puedo
Entrever una débil y tenue llama
De ilusión, esperanza y futuro,
Un futuro que darte deseo.

A lo mejor sea yo el hombre, que
feliz te haga en tu día a día, 
Y en los días de dolor y agonía
Esté ahí cual muro contra el viento.

 Anatoly Lutaev.